Come for a free talk on positive parenting 7:30 pm, West Elementary School, 58 Beacon St. in Andover, Mass., sponsored by the Andover townwide PTA.
The focus is how chores teach self discipline, nurture self esteem and strenthen the parent-child connection for life. Hear more about encouragement, family meetings, mutual respect and natural and logical consequences.
You will go home with some new ideas and reminders about creating and maintaining positive parenting practices.
Bring friends!
What he's learning from washing dishes will last a lifetime. Credit: Manchester Evening News, UK
Childhood chores are making a renaissance. We started the century using children as vital contributors to farms, factories and cottage industries. We finished the century treating children like consumer and performers.
The boy at left doing dishes is learning more than just how to do dishes. Life-lessons are being absorbed, such as: his contribution is important; his family depends upon him; he needs to show up whether he feels like it or not [AKA self-discipline]; he’s small and mighty — what else is he capable of doing?
Many children live an entitled life of activity-mania their main role is to perform and make their parents proud.
Personally, doing dishes is a lot more beneficial than earning trophies for participation on travel soccer. A few activities are acceptable, but many families are constantly on the go, with no time for chores or the other traditional family centering habit of family dinner.
A survey of 564 people from ages 11-90 I took showed that a remarkable 87 percent had or have childhood chores. They reported that family dinner and family chores often go together. I would add a third leg to that chair: family meetings.
Democratic family meetings are useful to make decisions, divide up the housework, plan the week’s schedule, compliment each other, enjoy a healthy snack and have some simple fun together at the end. Family meetings offer children a voice and a choice. Family dinner is the glue that holds a family together. And chores are an integral part to both because children can be involved in the preparation and clean up of family dinners.
The Boston Globe West published a story on chores and cited many children today who do laundry, help care for siblings and mow the lawn and more — without getting paid by the chore. The story cited the research of Wellesley College Professor Markella Rutherford who researched chores. Rutherford found that in the last 15 years chores have made a comeback. Hurray!
The article cited my upcoming book, “Raising Able: how chores cultivate capable confident young people.” It’s being edited and will be out soon. It offers many ideas on how to have a more harmonious home and get children involved in doing their parts.
I spent the morning helping Reliable Bob, my “starter husband” of 29 years, install a laminate floor at a customer’s house. Bob left the golden handcuff of corporate America six years ago and founded a home renovation business.
Bob likes to work with an apprentice, and he’s had a few since he set up shop. As his apprentice this morning, my job was to help him — by sweeping the floor, going for coffee and supplies from the truck, sawing pieces, and recycling materials.
My objective was to make myself useful doing menial work — which requires the right attitude, interest and some aptitude.
Not all of his helpers have displayed the right attitude, interest and aptitude.
As Bob went out to the truck for supplies and left me alone, I joked, “Now that the boss is out of sight, I don’t have to work until he comes back.”
Some helpers had that poor attitude, and Bob couldn’t stand them. They took no initiative, showed up late, called in sick often, were poor listeners, and looked forward to cigarette breaks. They got eventually got fired.
Chores are the best way to teach children a work ethic – starting when they are 3 years old and continuing until they leave home. My upcoming book, “Raising Able: How Chore Empower Children,” touts the long-term benefits of a childhood regime of chores.
Children and teens don’t have to:
They just have to do a few chores around the house for the common good, and be held accountable do them regularly. The chores can be as simple as sweeping the floor and taking out the garbage daily.
Notice I didn’t say acceptable chores are ”to clear their own dish and clean their own room.” The chores must be done for the common good. Do not pay them for the chores, other than a weekly allowance unrelated to the chores.
In the rushed lifestyle of today’s families, many parents don’t want to burden children with chores. If your lifestyle is so busy that children don’t have time to sweep the floor every night, re-evaluate your choices and consider making some changes.
Chores develop a host of beneficial personality traits, such as strong self-esteem, responsibility and confidence. Children learn practical skills and project management. Children who do chores can feel valued, connected to their families and capable.
Being held responsible to do something as simple as sweeping the floor every night creates myriad long-term benefits.
Next: how to use family meetings to get children started doing chores.
I'm Susan, a chicken and parenting EGG-ducator, author, speaker, and mother of 4 children in their 20s.
"Rulers of the Roost: What Chickens Teach us about Fowl Behavior" is an interactive multi-media bullying prevention school program with a live chicken as the metaphor.
For parents and school staff, "Teach your Children Well: Stories from a Recovered Bully Mom," is about how to use family, class and school meetings, encouragement and natural and logical consequences instead of yelling, bribing and hitting kids to discipline them.
Reserve a date today for Susan The EGG-ducator today to bring bully awareness and prevention, and parenting education to your school.
Visit here. Leave a comment, question or email -- susan [at] susan tordella [dot] net.
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