- Ah, the polish of the first day of school.
One day in the supermarket, Eric’s mother asked me, “How’s Noah’s diorama coming?” My truthful answer was, “I have no idea.” Noah and Eric were in fifth grade. Noah’s diorama was his homework, not mine.
By third grade, most typical kids can handle their own homework. The more parents can step back and allow children to take responsibility and experience success AND failure, the more children learn about time management.
I’m the ultimate free-range parent and could have probably been a tad bit more involved. But I can’t argue with success. My “kids,” now 23 to 30 years old, can manage jobs, school, time and money. They live independently and call home, but rarely for money. We have a good adult-to-adult relationship.
It started at home, with family meetings, family dinner, family chores and encouragement. Doing a few simple regular chores at home gives kids an introduction to self-discipline — which is doing things whether we feel like it or not.
Kids will never complete chores and homework up to our high standards. Do you anyone who has lived up to his/her full potential?
Our job is to encourage children, tweens and teens to take baby steps towards taking on the responsibility for their lives — including homework.
Use a family meeting to talk about homework and the morning routine. Set out the expectation that typical kids age 9 and up can manage their school responsibilities with your help as needed. Give every school-age student their own alarm clock [or two if more noise is needed] so they can rouse themselves in the morning.
Here’s the kicker. Allow them to fail. Yes. I repeat, allow failure. Think about how many times you have learned from success, and how much failure it took to get to that success. You had to develop the courage [the root of encouragement] to try again until you succeeded.
Schools have systems in place to deal with students who don’t complete homework. Allowing children, tweens and teens to experience the consequences at school of failing to do homework. Small stumbles at school. even failing a high school course, will never show up on their resume. Yet failure teaches children how to take responsibility and do what they’re supposed to do without nagging, begging, bribery, threats or punishment, which will make them a star on the job.
Letting them handle schoolwork will build mutual respect and enhance the parent-child connection because you trust and encourage them, eliminate nagging, and only interfere when they show they need help.