‘You’re fine just the way you are’ & other gifts from Mom
The four girls in 1961. Do you like the bobbles on my hat?
One of the most precious gifts my mother gave me and my three sisters was this simple statement: “You’re fine just how you are.” She shopped with me for size 11-and-a-half shoes, 36DD bras, and shirts with extra long sleeves to fit my generous frame. NEVER did she comment or show any negative body language towards my solid foundation, curves and useful long arms.
When my three sisters or I complained about a less-than-perfect body part, Mom shrugged it off, emphasized good posture, Stomach in, head up, shoulder back, and of course, looked us straight in the eye and said in a kind sincere voice, “You’re just fine the way you are.” She convinced me that I am indeed, just fine the way I am.
Mom with her four daughters. I'm the youngest, bottom right.
I still feel fine, and found a man named Bob who thinks my extra-large curves, feet and arms are just fine. After carrying three 10-pound babies, (and one 8 pounds 11 ounces) stretch marks covered my belly. Bob calls those marks of motherhood fire because they emanate from my pubis and resemble a fire, the fire of life. Bob’s and Mom’s total acceptance of me bring tears to my eyes.Apparently, I’m lucky. My son Ian and other young people warn me, “Most young women have body issues.” He’s right. Eating disorders are epidemic among girls, teens and young adults.
Contrast the total acceptance Mom gave us with the blog post below about a Brazilian woman’s experience about her body image copied from Bullying Stories on wordpress.
[This is the second in a series of Mother's Day blogs because mothers deserve a month's worth of posting.]
I am 30 years old. Born and raised in Brazil, I lived there for 24 years. Growing up in a house with 3 sisters and being the only “chubby” one, it’s not so hard to imagine the “verbal” bullying I had to endure. … It came from adults for the most part and it was targeted, recurrent and persistent. …According to them, I was chubby, short, my forehead was too big, my face was too round, my hair was too thin, my breasts were too big, etc…In addition, I’d have them compare me and my so-called “flaws” to my sisters/relatives. That was extremely unfair since we’re all very different both physically and personality wise. Needless to say, such comparisons always ended with them determining or hinting my “disadvantaged” position. When I would go buy clothes, I’d always have what they said in mind: “you can’t wear this, you have to wear that.” Years went by and I took extreme/unhealthy measures to lose weight (think throwing up and drinking hot water and soap). I got thinner indeed but the bullying never stopped completely. It was extremely detrimental to my emotional development and well-being. It affected the way I conducted all my personal interactions. For a long time, I even forced myself to avoid any possibility of having real relationships with boys. I’ve met a few and even though they were nice to me I simply could not believe that we could have a normal, healthy relationship. I would always question myself: ” why would they want to date me? That can’t be serious.” ~LuziaSee her whole post at Bullying Stories on wordpress.
- The writing on this poster made by the Body Shop to raise money to eradicate violence against women, “There are 3 billion women who don’t look like supermodels and only 8 who do ” incited Mattel to sue The Body Shop to stop selling this poster.
Tags: anorexia, body image, bulimia, eating disorders, healthy body image for teenage girls, Mother's Day
You can comment below, or link to this permanent URL from your own site.
April 17, 2012 at 10:29 pm
Hello,
I am the author of this bullying story published on http://bullyinglte.wordpress.com.
Thank you for sharing it on this blog. So many girls/women struggle with body image issues on a daily basis. After being bullied my entire life because of my looks, I can surely say that sometimes the scars you can’t see are the hardest ones to heal. It’s very important to bring awareness to the fact that the family plays a crucial role when it comes to raising emotionally healthy and confident children.
Thanks again,
Luzia
April 18, 2012 at 1:05 pm
Luzia, thanks for the courage to share your experience. I find it very sad when females are cruel to each other, and when we are hyper-focused on appearance.
Do you have any kids? If so, what are you doing differently?
April 18, 2012 at 3:53 pm
I agree. Unfortunately, I grew up in a place where appearance was and still is everything. I don’t have any kids yet. When that happens, I’m hoping to be able to teach them that there’s much more to us than just the color of our eyes, the texture of our hair and the size of our body parts. I don’t want them to grow up torturing themselves over the unattainable idea of perfect looks. By sharing my story online, I’m also hoping to reach out to any girl/woman who could be struggling with similar problems.
Thanks,
Luzia.
May 13, 2013 at 3:20 am
[…] http://raisingable.com/2012/04/16/youre-fine-just-the-way-you-are-other-gifts-from-mom/ […]