Slow down, you move too fast
- Tubby time for sisters. I’m a great believer in a nightly bath as therapy to get ready for sleep.
Watching children play together, catching them being good, witnessing their daily activities without criticism, rushing or interfering is one of the most important things you can do for your family.
It’s time well invested in the parent-child relationship. I learned how to watch quietly when Ian, my third child, was very difficult and I didn’t like him very much. My assignment was to “rebuild the relationship.” I had to practice seeing his positive attributes.
It took at least three months of forcing myself to change my attitude towards Ian, then 2 years old, was very demanding, controlling, loud, powerful and a trouble-maker with his older brother and sister, to start to see his beauty, charm and persistence.
Last week at a parenting workshop when I described how to just watch children in action, the mother of four children ages 4 to 15 had an “aha” moment.
“When I just watch my 7 and 4 year olds take a bath, and I’m not cleaning the bathroom, dealing with the 15-year-old in the hall, making phone calls or doing a dozen other things at the same time, they go to bed without a fuss, without coming out and asking for another drink of water.”
This is why parenting workshops are so effective. They give parents an opportunity to step back from the hectic, emotional and consuming job of taking care of children, and see the big picture.
A smooth bedtime routine benefits everyone — parents, children and the family environment. After 7 or 8 pm, little children do not have the emotional or physical capacity to be awake. However, we must satisfy their emotional needs and wind them down for bed by using a soothing bath where we are not distracted.
Just watch. Wait. Enjoy the moment — they will be grown up sooner than you will ever believe.
When Ian turned 13, he decided to build a skateboard ramp in the driveway with the help of his friends. I continued my routine of watching quietly — and it was very interesting to see his crew in action. They taught me when the hour is late (after 2 pm) and the problem great, quit and go swimming. Ian and his buddies finished that skateboard ramp, which impressed me and gave them a great deal of confidence and competence.
Watching was sheer delight. Remember to slow down, watch and don’t miss their growing up.
Explore posts in the same categories: bedtime routines, boundaries, sleep and children, take time for training, use actionTags: Act don't Yak, discipline, routines
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June 13, 2011 at 8:21 am
That was a HUGE project (the skateboard ramp). Though Ian later broke his ankle using it…. he still longboard skateboards!