Firm friendly follow-through
Teach kids NOT to skate on thin ice!
On Saturday a scout leader at the Polar Bear Derby (rescheduled from January) told me that he had repeatedly warned his son and the other kids to stay away from the half-melted pond.
Alas, his child got wet.
“I had to take him home for dry clothes and bring him back,” the scout leader said, shaking his head with disappointment.
How wonderful to know Dad will bail out Junior no matter what.
Or is it wonderful?
Kids who never experience the related outcome of their decisions do not learn to take responsibility for their actions.
Junior learned:
- He doesn’t have to listen to Dad — even when his safety is at hand;
- Dad will bail him out and he still gets to participate , despite his poor choice.
- He can continue to make bad decisions because good ol’ Dad will bail him out.
I’m interested in the big picture and what precedent Dad set. Tough Love is a group of parents of young adults who have realized they constantly enable their child to make bad decisions. The parents must learn to say No, I won’t bail you out again from the poor choices you made, which often involve substance abuse and addiction.
It’s hard for parents to say “NO” or to deny Junior the Polar Bear Derby.
Dad could have let Junior experience being wet and cold. Junior could have asked to be taken home or gone inside the lodge to warm up.
Ideally, Dad could teach Junior to listen at home, BEFORE the Polar Bear Derby. It takes time, patience and consistency to teach children to listen and make good decisions. Investing the time, patience and consistency in making small decisions may someday save your child’s life.
The goal is for children to become teens who will make good decisions when they become teenagers and they’re 60 miles away, going 60 miles an hour.
Will the young person who is 60 miles away, going 60 miles an hour:
- Be driving the speed limit?
- Wearing a seatbelt?
- Be with friends you know and like?
- Sober and focused on driving?
- Have told you the truth about where they are and what they’re doing?
- Made good choices around sexuality?
Start now to teach good decision-making by giving children enough rope to burn but not enough to hang. Let them experience small repercussions, like being cold and wet during the Polar Bear Derby, forgetting homework or mittens, not being able to find their sporting equipment because they didn’t put it away.
It will pay off in the long run.
Explore posts in the same categories: 60-60 theory, boundaries, empower, Make good decisions, related, respectful and reasonable, take time for training, teens, toddlers, Training dogs and children, tweensTags: natural and logical consequences
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