Raising Able Children: how to nurture capable confident young people

Casey, my firstborn, preparing red peppers to grill and serve with goat cheese, a family favorite.

Casey and I spent some “special time” together a few weeks ago. We went to the Brimfield Antique Fair for a day, came home and fixed dinner together, and she spent the night.

I wrestle with how much time together with adult children is the right amount. I’m lucky that she lives nearby, which means we must be intentional about inviting each other to do things.

For the last 14 years of my mother’s life, she lived 350 miles away. I assumed the invitation for her to visit was always open.

However, my mother said, “Invite me.” I took her advice and sought out events that would pique her interest and be the catalyst for a visit. Then she didn’t have to feel like she was intruding.

I enjoyed the special time with Casey. We both took a day off work to be with each other, uninterrupted, for a whole day. It was marvelous.

When my children were growing up we feebly attempted to schedule special time with all four of them. Stephen Covey scheduled special time each month with each of his nine children, why couldn’t I schedule special time with only four? Obviously I was not effective enough! It’s challenging when teenagers want to push parents away, not spend more time together.

No matter what the age of your “child” ensure that you set aside time each day, week or month to be together, with no agenda. If they’re under age 5, 15 to 30 minutes a day of time together is an excellent investment because it will satiate them.

For ages 6-11, 15 minutes a day along with family dinner is good.

Ages 12 and up, insist they eat family dinner with you. Ignore their resistance. It’s the best investment you can make in their mental and physical well-being according to research.

For teens and tweens, find an activity you both like to do and schedule it at least once a month — or more.  You are laying a foundation for a lifelong relationship and nurturing an individual you want to spend time with.

This entry was posted on September 22, 2010 at 9:38 am and is filed under belonging, family dinner, mother-daughter, special time, teenagers, tweens. You can subscribe via RSS 2.0 feed to this post's comments.

Tags: helpful tips for parents